Today is a rough day. My boss has an eating disorder- whether he wants to admit it or not. He is constantly talking about losing weight, eating under 1200 calories, feeling his hip bones to make sure he’s not getting “fat”. Yesterday he made a really cruel comment about one of our kids. He was not concerned that she was wearing a sheer shirt with only a sports bra under it because her breasts were out or because that’s not ok for a girl to do in middle school, but instead because he was disgusted with the fact that her “belly was hanging way out there”. Followed with “I mean I (as he pats his very flat stomach) wouldn’t even wear something sheer”. Gross. I really pray most days that he addresses what’s going on for him and gets some help. Other days I pray he never says this shit out loud to a child so I don’t have to actually punch him in the face.

I hate my job. I work in a place where my responsibility is to advocate for the social and emotional well being of the kids here, work with teachers to help them develop empathy and understanding for said kids and counsel the kids to help them grow. I also work in a place where social work is respected by a few people and I am consistently silenced. Growing up I have felt silenced a lot and I have often chosen to silence myself because I didn’t feel good enough, pretty enough, thin enough… the list goes on. I’ve worked SO hard to get out of this habit. To respect and believe in my voice, to believe in myself. It’s a constant struggle but I’m doing much better. And more and more I realize that I cannot work in a place where being silenced is a norm. So many of us just swallow things that happen because we know that the repercussions for speaking up make it extra hard to work here. I have a co-worker who describes this like her abusive relationship with her ex. And jokingly states that this is why she has an easier time doing this. I refuse to continue to be in an abusive relationship.

Yes this is a rant and I’m struggling. And I’m looking for jobs constantly everyday. Been rejected for 2 which has been tough but is ok. Have another interview next week and I’ll continue looking and being proactive. Thank you for listening/reading. Sometimes I just need to un-silence myself so I don’t swallow all of this shit and everything in the fridge. :)

So this question is sweet, not crazy but I will see that there is nothing that puts a person off sex like teaching sex ed to kids. Yesterday we discussed HIV/AIDS and other STI’s and it was so intense. Pretty glad that lesson is over.

Anyway after we had discussed all of it one of the kids raised his hand and asked, “Why can’t we have love and pleasure but be more like fish who don’t infect each other”. Good question kid, good question.

made it back to the gym. it was SUCH a long day at work and all i kept thinking about was that the workouts you really don’t want to do are the ones you should push yourself to do. dragged my ass their with a friend- she swam i ran and did weights. this was my first run after a race that i have actually enjoyed. usually i’m a bit off running after a race but this one felt good. 3 miles and i pushed myself to do a little speed work. felt awesome!

my one constant struggle is with weights. i don’t really know what i’m doing and the machines are often taken with people doing their own routines. i did some leg presses and then i snagged a medicine ball and did a few sets with dumbbells on that. worked for last night, need to figure out a different routine that works for me.

weigh in this morning (finally brought the scale home) 192.6. chillen in the low 190’s. and i guess if i look at the positive i’ve been maintaining in the low 190’s for a while now. through all the mess and the breakup and the family stuff. so for right now that’s ok and maybe i can take a break from kicking my own ass. maybe. :)

so looking forward to tonight! cheap massages with the bestie who i haven’t seen for awhile and an early day at work. woohoo!!!

Wow. Such a good run… until mile 10. I felt amazing for the majority of this run. The weather was gorgeous and it felt amazing to run through the streets of Bk with 14,000 other people. Super cool.

I think I underestimated Ocean Parkway. For some reason my main concern was Prospect Park which in the end went swimmingly. I saw one of my friends/co-workers, was super excited and totally motivated as I headed out. Ocean Parkway was LONG!!! It felt never ending and I wasn’t 100% sure I could make it without walking.

Miles 10, 12 and 13 were rough. The best part was the closer we got to the water the more I could smell it in the air and everything felt a little cooler. Heading toward the boardwalk I almost laughed out loud because I had to run up this part before hitting the boardwalk itself. Really… an uphill piece? Ok so it was probably 5 seconds long but still. :) And then it was great. Ran along the boardwalk, there was music and a great crowd and then hit the finish. Garmin time: 2:35, two minutes faster then my first half!!!  Official time I think was 2:45 because of the bathroom stops. Wow were the waits long for that yesterday!

Afterwards I met up with some friends and we ate and then went on rides and hung out. Amazing day. My left knee is killing me and I just keep reminding myself that I did a half. I’ve done 2 halfs… unbelievable. I really never thought this would be part of my life and it’s SO cool that it is.

Really great day. Here is a pic with a friend of mine at the finish:

We were definitely happy to be done!

Yes it’s that time of the week. We had 3 hours of 5th grade health where we discussed the male reproductive system and i bit the inside of my check while labeling things on the whiteboard. I could barely hold it in today.

There was one slide…. let me copy it here for your viewing pleasure:

That killed me every time. I mean really? The kids were on the floor.

So to wrap up this joyful post I’ll leave you with the best questions of the day:

1) How do men get pregnant?

2) So then how does the sperm get in your mouth? (after we talked about the steps for sperm to leave the body)

3) So is breast milk just for kids or could a woman feed… for example the elephants we saw that day?

Did you all see this? Heat advisory for the race on Saturday. Why do my co-workers think it’s hilarious to use the bathroom (which grossly and unfortunately is in my office) and then as me to check their pee color? Ewww… it’s bad enough that I have to hear you pee! 

Brooklyn Half-Marathon Heat Advisory

The weather forecast for Saturday is bright sunshine and a high of 80 degrees. You will feel the heat, especially in the race’s later stages. For many of you, this will be your first warm race of 2012. NYRR Medical Director Stuart Weiss, MD, offers these tips to help you have a great race:

• Hydrate well in the two days before the race. Your urine should be pale yellow and copious, not dark and scant. Hydrate on race morning with water and sports drinks. There will be portable toilets at the start and along the course.

• Wear a hat with a brim or a visor to protect your head and face from the sun. Wear sunglasses to protect your eyes and help you avoid squinting. Apply water-resistant sunscreen to exposed areas; don’t forget ears, lips, and the back of your neck. There will be little shade on Ocean Parkway and the Coney Island boardwalk.

• Wear light layers that you can remove as the morning heats up. For example, you can remove a light jacket or long-sleeve tech shirt and tie it around your waist.

• During the race, drink fluids when you’re thirsty. Try to remember how much you would normally drink when you ran on warm days last summer. As a general rule of thumb, plan to drink about 4 ounces of fluid every 20 minutes while running. Each fluid station has plenty of tables; if the early tables are crowded, move past them to the later tables.

• If you feel lightheaded or overheated, slow down. Visit one of our medical stations if needed; there are seven of them on the course and at the finish. Entering a medical station does NOT mean you’ve dropped out; most runners are able to get back in the race after having some fluids and a brief rest.

HA!!  This is perfect for my job:

So this week I learned a BIG lesson. Antibiotics work. Yes that may seem like something simple but after staying home for 2.5 days and feeling like death warmed over it was incredible to wake up this morning after starting a zpack and feel like I was in the land of the living again. phew.

Now on to the Bk Half (still haven’t decided whether or not I like the shirt- frankly I’m just kind of excited that it says Brooklyn Half):

Let’s discuss that I haven’t run since last week… and that I’m on antibiotics and that I’m not entirely sure I can do this one in under 3 hours.  Ok glad we got that out of the way. I am SO excited to run on Saturday. It maybe the cold talking but I was elated when I walked in to find my Bk Half bag/number/shirt that my co-worker had lovingly picked up for me since I was dragging ass. I can’t wait. I’m super nervous and I’m trying to stay WAY out of my head. Tons of my co-workers are running, everyone is much fast than I am…. this list could go on for a while.

Regardless I think it will be fun to do a race that ends in Coney Island and I absolutely plan to use the freezing water as an ice pack for my sad little knees when I’m done AND go on my favorite ride. The tilta-whirl:

BEST RIDE EVER! Yes it could possibly be a kids ride but I love it and it makes me laugh hysterically and I cannot believe I get to do that at the end of the race. SO FUN!

Good luck to everyone running on Saturday, around 10ish I’ll be heading toward the tilt-a-whirl if you’re interested! :)